Do you see what I see?

I'm happy to report that all my worries about my surgery are gone and things are looking up! Everything is healing perfectly and I am starting to feel human again. All it took was a little time and patience. Here's the overarching lesson in all of this. Don't be nonchalant about surgery. MAKE SURE YOUR DOCTOR GIVES YOU A RANGE OF EXPECTATIONS. A little more prodding on my part with my doctor would have made this past 9 days so much more enjoyable.

I swear I asked him how I would feel and if I would see double after surgery and he told me I would be just fine. His "just fine" meant that the first 7 days would suck and in about 10 days I would be fine. I took it to mean that I will be fine right after surgery. That's the expectation I had when I was sent home with the orders of "take tylenol for discomfort." I didn't realize that my eye would ache some 5 days post-op and would require major narcotics and muscle relaxers to ease the pain. I didn't realize that my double vision would make it hard to drive and nearly impossible to shop (just a few days before Christmas). I also didn't realize that the "shiner" I would develop per my Doc was more like a rainbow of colors on the normally white parts of my eye than a typical black eye we all think of when the term shiner is used.

It's all good. I just have to apologize to my husband and kids for being a total lump on Christmas day trying not to puke from the Vicodin, and more to my husband for not picking up any last minute gifts for him to open Christmas morning. I have to thank my husband for doing basically everything around the house for the past week - all with a smile on his face.

So I got my New Year wish of single vision - now I need to shop!

The Eye Thing

So here's the lowdown on my eye surgery:

Over the past several years, I have noticed in pictures that my head is always slightly tilted to the right. Figuring it was just all my training in school pictures to cock your head to one side, I didn't think much of it at first. I also noticed that when I lay down in bed to watch TV and was on my left side, I would see double. I could lay on my right side and see the TV just fine. Do you ever stare at something and close one eye, then close the other eye and see how the image you're looking at jumps? I do that all the time, and thought it was a perfectly normal phenomenon. Turns out it is in some cases, but not to the severity that I experience it. It only took me about 5 years of mentioning this to my OD at Simon eye that she mentioned I have a mild case of 4th nerve palsy. My eye surgeon calls it something else. Not technically "palsy" but some mild weakness. Chances are I've had this most of the life, but because it is so minor, it's never been very apparent. To the untrained eye, you would never think anything was wrong with my eyes, besides that fact they are freakishly large and bit buggy. They don't noticeably cross, and my slight eye droop is just that - slight. But upon recent examination from my primary care doc, my eye surgeon, my plastic surgeon, and another ocular plastic surgeon, seems like everything is related to this 4th nerve thing.

I'll break it down for you. When my head is perfectly straight, I see double. I have to tilt my head just a tad to the right in order to have single vision. The head tilt over time has caused my eyelid droop and some whacked out muscle development in my neck where one side is pliable and stretched and the other side is really tight and always aches. While my surgeon initially (last year) didn't recommend surgery because my impairment was so minor, I convinced him to do it this year as my neck pain has been getting worse and I'm tired of tilting my head. I also don't want to be 80 with my ear to my shoulder if I can help it.

So this morning I went under general anesthesia and my Dr. performed the recession of my left oblique inferior muscle in my left eye. Besides looking and feeling like I got popped in the eye, recovery has been going well. Oh except for when I asked for some anti-nausea meds and the nurse spilled it all over my hand instead of getting it in my IV. Oh well, luckily I had some pills at home that I took while kneeling over the toilet almost puking! Throwing up is the worst. I did manage to sleep most of the day and kept everything "down."

Not sure if the operation was a success or not. My double vision is worse than it was before surgery, and in order to see single vision I now have to tilt my head to the left - almost at a 45 degree angle or just close one eye. I chose the closing of one eye to pound out this entry. I can't remember if results are supposed to be immediate or not, so I'll be calling the Dr. tomorrow to see. If a revision needs to be made, I need to go back under the knife before Jan 1 when my new crappy insurance kicks in.

My surgeon warned me that an overcorrection is certainly possible, so I don't blame him at all for this. He is great - and I know he'll do whatever it takes to get me the best results possible.

So my new Santa wish is no double vision in 2012 - unless of course it's martini-induced!

Categorically, things I’m thankful for . . .

WORK
1. My printer is just steps away from my desk.
2. My walk from the parking lot to my building is covered.
3. Lives are not hanging in the balance based on the actions I take.
4. My work/life balance rocks.
5. I get to travel.

FAMILY
1. Everyone is healthy.
2. We all (4) live in the same house every day.
3. My kids are smart and kind, so is my husband.
4. We get to eat dinner together a few times every week.
5. I can hear giggles and horseplay on a Saturday mornings before the grown-ups have gotten out of bed.

ME, ME, ME
1. I have true friends.
2. My hair is versatile.
3. I have big eyes with great lashes.
4. I am sincerely generous.
5. I have a great sense of humor – Lord knows it’s required!

Cowabunga

I took a private surfing lesson on a Sunday in early October. It was an impulse decision upon my return from my 2nd LA trip in couple of weeks. On that last trip, I spent one morning/early afternoon on a quick tour of LA's beaches. Manhattan Beach, Hermosa Beach, Redondo Beach, Palos Verdes. What I wanted to do was languish in the sand, close my eyes and relax. What I did instead was drive along the coast, and stop in a few places to get a better look at the scene and take a few pictures. I lingered on a pier and watched some surfers. I don't think I've ever actually watched anyone surf up close like that before.

When I lived at the beach the summer I was 18, I never really hung out with anyone that surfed. All my friends either played beach volleyball or partied. I did plenty of both that summer. I had never been exposed to the art of surfing. I guess if I had, I probably would have tried it before. For some reason, my LA experience inspired me to give it a try. The only water sport I'd attempted before was water skiing. And besides feeling like I'd received a super sonic salt water douche, I wouldn't characterize my experience as actually skiing. More like being dragged from a boat with a rope.

Once I booked my lesson, I tried, although not very hard, to get someone to come with me, just to capture the experience on film. My son had baseball practice that afternoon, and since the beach was close to 2 hours away, it didn't seem feasible to drag the family along with me. Then I started to worry about how awful I would probably be on the surf board, or how I hate the way I look with wet hair, or it's October and I have no tan - so why would I want any photos taken during my lesson? So I was resigned to the fact I would do this alone. I don't need any more emabarassing facebook photos out there.

Turns out I was so wrong about not trying harder to find me a photographer to tag along. Turns out - I'm actually pretty good on a surfboard!

Upon meeting my 23 year old, tow-head instructor, Seth, I was thinking to myself, "What the heck have I gotten myself into?" We had to drive about 10 minutes to get to the location, and he continued to warn me that I shouldn't get discouraged if I can't get up on the board, and people sometimes need 2 or 3 lessons before they feel comfortable, etc. When we finally arrived, I stripped off my sweats to reveal my pink polka dot bottoms and my borrowed long-sleeved rash guard top. I slipped my flip flops off and decided to leave my towel and my bag with sunglasses, a comb and a ball cap in the van. I wasn't going to be some high-maintenance housewife client. I was trying to get into character. We shared the load of the 9" long board and hiked about 1/4 mile to the surf.

As we headed into the water, I could tell Seth thought he was in for a rough hour. Poor kid. I would have to give him a huge tip for making him freeze in the water trying to help me check off surfing from my bucket list.

Long story short, I got up on the board my first try. Seth told me that he has never had anyone get up on their first try, beside some freakishly athletic 6 year old he taught a few years ago. Certainly never any adults. I'm convinced that my years of ballet has given me some mad balancing skills. I spent the hour catching and riding a bunch of waves. I only fell off twice. I learned that you are not supposed to carry your board over your head when trying to get out past the waves. I also learned that you have to protect your face when you fall, just in case your board flips up on you. I truly never thought I would be able to do this, and I can't wait to try again.

Before I left for my lesson I assured my husband that, "It's not like I'm going to buy a surfboard and start a new hobby. I just want to see if I can do it." Now, I'm pretty sure I'm going to buy a surfboard, and I know I will be surfing again next Spring. I'm even trying to figure out where I can go to get in some surfing before then. I can't wait to have someone document my next outing. Hopefully I'll be tan and have hair that looks cute when it's wet by then.

Must Exercise

I have totally fallen off the exercise wagon. It happened in late- July and has been spotty at best since then. Hmmm – that’s around the same time I had a major friend falling-out. Connection? Perhaps. That’s a whole other blog. I’d love to spill details on here, but it’s too close for comfort. Suffice it to say, no friendship is bullet proof, and there is no such thing as water under the bridge.

On a lighter note - I did manage to complete 2 weeks of something called the I-Diet, which is no more than a 1200 calorie per day menu plan that attempts to curb your cravings. Most days, I would rather eat 1200 calories of crap to lose weight, but I did manage to stick to it for awhile. My problem is I don’t enjoy having to “stick” to anything. That is where the exercise factor comes along. If I could just make exercise a habit, what I eat wouldn’t matter so much.

And now that Halloween is over and I have about 7 pounds of candy calling my name, I’d better get back on the exercise train, or else. I refuse to hover back into the 140’s and quite frankly, I deserve to be in the 120’s if I do say so myself.

There’s always tomorrow. . . I have already started the day off poorly - A few handfuls of candy corn and more than a handful of assorted chocolate snack-sized candy bars. I’m meeting a friend out after work, so I’m sure dinner won’t be the healthiest, and I’ll be lucky to avoid any wine. Not to mention the late-night dip I know I’m going to take into the candy bowl at my house when I get home

I have been watching some good TV lately, although I’ve obviously broken my rule about watching it only from the treadmill. In my bed, under the covers at 5am is SO much more appealing! Perhaps if I write it, I will do it. Don’t hold your breath, but I suppose it’s worth a try! Treadmill, tomorrow morning it is. My current line-up includes some great new shows like American Horror Story and Once Upon a Time.

P.S. – I haven’t officially written about my surfing lesson. I’ll get working on that – since there’s a possibility I might get the chance to surf next week in TX!! I did order one of those stupid family stick figure stickers (including both dogs) for my car. I almost got one for the cat (with angle wings), since he died last year. I know – what is happening to me? My image is of a surfer! It’s so obnoxious – I love it!

A Hoarder-In-Training

This picture says it all. Actually, this only shows about 10% of her room. But trust me, the other 90% is just as bad if not worse. Articles on the floor include dirty clothes, dog toys, stickers, lip balm, books, hairbrushes, ribbons, trash, jewelry, shoes, pom-poms, wrapping paper, an assortment of glitter, a pillow, a pillow pet, and an oar. That’s right, a wooden oar and I have no clue.

Now before we begin, let’s examine the resources she has available to her on a daily basis. It’s not like she doesn’t have the proper tools she needs to keep a clean room. You may be surprised to know that an entire bookcase in her room is full of rectangular baskets that are currently empty. It’s as if each night she just dumps the contents of said baskets onto the floor. I am careful to ensure that she has ample storage room for her belongings. Everything I listed above that is on her floor right now, does have a proper home in her room.

In my futile quest to instill in her a modicum of responsibility, I have tried a variety of approaches to get her to straighten up. When she was 3, the “toy fairy” would come at night and abscond with any toys she left on the floor. The fairy would in turn deliver them to boys and girls who kept their rooms neat and tidy. That worked for a week or 2. Then the fairy got lazy and kind of pissed off that expensive toys were left out and the fairy didn’t feel like throwing away significant investments. A couple years later, we tried the old, you-cannot-watch-TV-until-your-room-is-straightened-up threats. In lieu of TV, she would just stay in her room and make even MORE of a mess. Then we got our new puppy. Surely the site of her dog turning her toys, books and even shoes into chew toys would be the perfect deterrent. Not so much. She’s perfectly fine with her things being destroyed (because she knows I’ll replace the important items) and she’s fine with the mess (she doesn’t take up all that much room on her bed) She’s fine with her clean clothes sitting folded on her bed and not in her drawers (they’re easier to grab on the bed) and the open dresser drawers just don’t bother her at all.

Part of me just wants to leave it this way and let her bury herself in her crap. A tiny part of me wonders if she’s got serious hoarding tendencies. She does LOVE cats. Hmmmm.

The other part of me can’t wait to get it all straightened up. But I know in a matter of days, it will go back to the way it is now. I want to be able to commit to not buying her ANYTHING unless her room is kept clean. I’ve even considered stripping her room of EVERYTHING except a clean change of clothes – a strategy I hear on Dr. Laura’s radio show almost daily. But I just don’t have the gumption or the storage room to do it.

What are YOUR strategies to keeping kids’s rooms clean and organized? Or do I just need to RELAX?

PS - I hoped to get a better picture of the mess today for this post, but when I returned home from work she and Daddy were already cleaning up. Make that Daddy was cleaning up, she was supervising. Ugh.

Boo Hoo! You're cordially invited to my pity party.

Here's the latest:

I can do a bridge. Not for very long, but I feel the walkover is eminent! I've been doing lots of hand stands and round offs. Even in restaurants with my daughter. Thank goodness I am a regular at a few places where we can get away with that kind of behavior. Kind of fun!

Let's examine today's Food Diary:

Breakfast - red delicious apple and 7 honey wheat pretzels (190)
Lunch - 2 hard boiled eggs and 2 saltines (165)
Snacks - Supreme Protein PB&J Bar & Popcorn (300)
Dinner - sliced tomatoes, broccoli & cauliflower, filet mignon (300)

Probably too few calories, but I'm pretty sure I've got something stored if my body needs it. I have to get into a bathing suit Friday at Dorney Park with the kids. More importantly, there's a very good chance I may be on a California beach next week. There's my motivation for the next few days.

I haven't really been doing any regular exercise. That's due to the fact that I got some kind of illness last week that started out as a stomach bug and migrated into some sinus gook. Made me pretty tired and when I'm sick I like to eat bad things. I was convinced that I was probably gaining weight, but I avoided the scale. Only to be pleasantly surprised that I hadn't gained an ounce. I guess my metabolism goes into overdrive when I'm sick. Which would explain why I got so hungry and managed to avoid any major poundage setbacks.

I aspire to get back to my morning workouts, but the next few days will not be conducive to my plan. Today was the kid's first day of school, and since Ells woke me up around 4:30 to tell me she was scared of something, I couldn't get back to sleep. So my 6am alarm was replaced with my 7:15 alarm, which gives me just enough time to shower, get the kids up and fed in time for the school bus. Tomorrow, I have to drag the kids out of bed at 6:30 to get the dogs to their new Daycare for a temperament test in Wilmington, drive back home and do the morning bus thing with the kids again by 8:20. Don't get me started on the whole Doggie Daycare drama. I'll save that for another post. Tomorrow night and Thursday night are cheer nights. I will be driving both nights since NEXT week I will be in LA for work and unable to contribute my driving duties to the carpool. So it looks like Thursday morning and Friday morning may be viable workout times for me. Sucks that this all has to be analyzed so.

Speaking of scheduling conflicts, I also had to turn down my ballet teaching job that was supposed to start this fall. With Elliana's cheerleading, Braedon's baseball and my work schedule that sometimes includes last minute travel plans, I felt like it was just too much and I couldn't commit to EVERY MONDAY NIGHT at 6 to teach a class. I would have ended up maybe teaching half the classes and pissing off a bunch of parents, and possible the school as well. While it was the absolute right thing for me to do, I'm terribly disappointed. It was all this ballet excitement that helped me get off my ass last year. I haven't taken a class for myself in about 4 months. Totally bummed. I have reminded my husband of his duty to go earn double his salary already. But I'm not holding my breath.

I'm starting to come to terms with my current existence that involves a full time job that is turning into a career, and does not include being Suzy homemaker, stay-at-home-mom. I'm still not accepting it, but it's starting to sink in. Not necessarily a good thing, but I don't feel like there is much I can do about it. The impact to our current lifestyle if I were to quit my job would be unacceptable to all 4 of us. Not much more to say.

Pity Party on people!